fitness for wankers

Yeah, I know I'm late on the bandwagon. Every new technology emerges on the market and stage one is really elitist ownership through high prices. Lots of models driving Lexus cars, in front of white minimalist homes, wearing or using the new thing. 

Then, the price eases to catch all the wannabes who advertise the product on social media or just but showing off on public. 

The third wave hits the suburbs, on trend parents, glitzy go getter kids with part time jobs get onto it. The final stage is when the market requires saturation and all the cheap copies of the original are allowed to flood the market. That's me. I mock all the trendy fat cats but eventually I might actually buy one ... then throw it on the hard rubbish collection soon after. 

Well, anyway I got a Fitness Watch for $29 from Jaycar. I was actually after a watch, if it had GPS bonus, the health readouts are a gimmick. One of the big things about these watches is Counting Steps. We've all seen the mums with swollen rear ends, clad in lycra boast that they reached their 8000 steps goal for the day. On the surface, it's impressive. Well at least they're having a crack.

Just as an aside, last Saturday its 8am & I'm on the beach & its bloody cold. I don my little swimmers &  as I'm wading into the cold surf I see a group of swimmers coming on from beyond the break. What the! Seeing other wild winter swimmers is a rare event, but here they are. I proceed to swim my 200 metres & get the buzz going. That's when it gets weird. As I'm washing salt off my balls so I don't get jock itch later, I spy the swimmers. Without fail they're clad designer winter wear & talking loudly & sipping coffees. None of them acknowledge me, shaking, pink & shuffling into my jeans with sandy feet. Arseholes! 

Then I look closely at a stream of joggers going along the beach & back. They're all shapes, sizes etc. , that's a good thing. But, when they robotically rounded the large beach flag & ran towards a photographer sitting on the beach, they turned on a little jig, star jump or funny gesture. I just shook my head, as a surfer just emerged from the shower gave me a nod, like "I get it dude". So there are some Good People left.

Anyway, back to this Fitness Watch. I grow to be absolutely  flummoxed by the step counter function. I'm sure that the preset goal of 8000 steps each day is petty. I ask my daughter, (self-employed horse trainer), how many steps she takes & learn its between 20000 & 40000 steps a day. So, the watchmakers are wanking the mums egos?! 

Then, I go ride my motorcycle & the step counter goes up. As I shake myself after urinating, the step counter goes up. Now I'm wondering; could I literally lay in bed "shaking my penis" all day & reach the global fitness goal? Well, yes! So that explains why them mums with big bums are smiling all the time; they're wankers!_Literally! 

NB. Yes I have been listening to Bill Burr podcasts lately. :)