preamble

This morning Ive again been preparing for the Camino del Norte. Ive been preparing for a long time it feels, but really it had only been under two months. As I said, it feels like forever. 

Now its just three days away I have a short list of To Dos; fit a cat door, make a bulk feeder for the chooks & wash the dishes. I'd like to assume my 22 years old son will keep everything going here, but I know he won't.  But I haven't got the luxury of worrying about it.  After a busy day with repacking my gear & doing chores, plus its unseasonally cold & wet out, I'm lounging about reading. Ive dipped into Pilgrim's Progress again,  but just now switched to something less crushing to read. A camino report type book "60 and Solo", fits the bill. She opens up by describing how she came to be walking & then reflects on why she's a poor candidate as a pilgrim. So I thought I might take the lead on my own situation as it stands. 

The last decade has been pretty crap. I lost both parents, 10 years apart. My dad, who was caring for mum, went first & suddenly. As distressing as it was, I had no time to grieve because I needed to fend off family members desires to place mum in a home. The eldest of my younger sisters, Julie, was already a backup carer & with her upset, couldn't see a way through. After negotiations with Julie I locked in to care two days a week. She agreed, & no-one really knew how it would go. I had two children in homeschooling which allowed me to drag them along to mum's, this obviously allowed me to do some caring, but also to now lawns & keep up with repairs & maintenance on our family home.

But to Julie, Joe & Mia's credit, we made it work. A great deal of the responsibility for success has to be awarded to mum. She was a gem & her positivity towards us & humble personality was a beacon to us all.  

In the wake of my dad's passing though, my wife of 28 years decided to have an affair. As soon as it came to light, she was frogmarched off the property & she hastily initiated legal action to have me sell that farm & gibe her half. But, in the interim I had to make up a job & raise an income in order to put food on the table for starters. As my now adult & independent living daughter Mia said just recently: "I don't know how you did it". I could only chuckle, how I continued to homeschool, care for mum, now lawns & be a solo parent, was a little miracle. I'll be forever greatful to ALDI, my loyal customers, mum, Julie, Joe & Mia for their support. 

But the crowning glory was having the court settlement go on my favour; I got to stay here on the farm, she got to keep her super, & I've never spoken to her since she left. I could handle her infidelity but not her deception of my children. 

Then mum passed away, suddenly but not unexpectedly as age 92. She was supposed to have died after a stroke at age 48, so her life has been a marvel to everyone. But once again, I had no space to mourn because I'd become a foster carer just two days before mum died. And, he was a handful, we stuck it out for over a year, but trying to keep up with a damaged & destructive pre-teen (thanks to abuse by the care system & his parents drug  abuse), saw me dancing holy hell. I was so angry & confused & feeling like I'd let him down that I had no opportunity for mourning his leaving. 

Naturally enough, after all that mess, & having my children leave home or become more independent, Ive had my fill of change &  feeling a bit blah, & needing to settle the dust. 

Fortunately my fitness has never been better. When I began mowing all those years ago, I was physically shattered. But slowly I built up stamina & core strength which has progressed gradually to the point where I can still enjoy surfing, swimming & 15k walks. I think emotionally Ive never been better since before I was married. So I'm primed for a long walk.