4/8.2.0 reasons for walking the camino (draft)

Only aftery dads passing did I really get him. Previously I found him to be boisterous & impulsive & a mercilous teaser. But attending his funeral, celebrated by five priests & looking around the congregation I realised He Dads behaviours were a smoke screen. Beyond the home he was an inveterate helper. While his family were resting after the days work dad was carrying out pastoral duties. He would visit homes, hospitals, hospices & homeless shelters as well as meetings for various charities.  While I knew of bits of his service to others, the scale of it only came to light after his flame expired. Bearing witness to the appreciation of the many widows on the parish was quite emotional. As a child through to adulthood he devoted himself to his mother's financial & physical support, & it was clear he extended that support to all widows. One woman who was widowed with three primary school aged children, over ought with emotion asserted that my father "was a saint".  

In later years after mum's stroke, he retired from work to become her primary carer & a fearless advocate for her to be cared for in the home.  

Unfortunately, grief generated by his sudden passing had to go unprocessed, as one of sisters & myself fell into roles as mums carers & looking after the house. There were two of us, Julie did the lions share, but while we enjoyed mums company & the ability to return her favours to us, it was hard work.   

Not long after dads passing, I became a sole parent. In a short space of time, I had to generate an income to support my family, & persevere through court proceedings over the following years. But, I would say that mums good grace, dads courage & some supportive forces, brought me joyfully through. Not only did I pass this test, I tapped into positive powers that had been previously hidden.    

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I do hope that time on the Camino can help gain perspective & rid myself of old & unwanted pain. I would like to develop courage & skill to be able to acknowledge my children's pain. I'd also like to jetison regrets about having chosen such a partner.