finding love

When someone you've had a close relationship with for 29 years reveals to you on one night that their life has been a lie, it rocks your core. 
In that moment I understood that violent retribution could be condoned. But shock and the need to act fast to secure the world for my children, tool precedence. 
I've since lost the will to punish, I actually feel sorry for her that she could live like that. Its obvious she has never known love, or could not reciprocate. Sure she has her reasons. 
Seven years fits some biological cycle of renewal in the human body and its ringing true now. Having ridden to the local service station with an empty 9kg bottle, I found the women on duty were not skilled at handling gas refills. A third woman was reluctantly roused and asked whether she would refill my bottle. Susie, with an open cherubic face immediately responded positively. She shuffled out behind me before explaining she tore her hamstring weeks earlier. She was in pain, but complained not a bit. Admiration wells in my chest, as I admire her stoicism and beauty. 
She struggles with the valve. I offer assistance before she quietly reveals a broken knuckle I'm a separate accident. Calmly, she pumped gas, opening the relief screw in my heart and the gas bottle. Selfless service layered with upbeat conversation. I think I just felt a twinge of love that had been buried. Over subsequent days, my world has shifted, again i am readily reactive to beauty in people, feeling open and receptive to the prospect of a future  partner. I cannot say how this might occur, but it could and that is the magic. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

a skin thing?

As a surfer from my childhood years I escalated to surfing most days. If i wasn't surfing I was just going on or out of the surf, or at school or in latter yesrs work. Some school days would see me run home from the beach dripping wet, stuff cereal down & jog to school. At lunch break I would grab a bike & get a surf in.  On my twenties i took up sailing. If I wasn't actually sailing I would be working on my boat getting things ready. I spent two enjoyable winters on the tropical north.  In later life, I've mowed lawns for an income & continued to swim & sail when I can.  As old surfers know, there's a toll on your skin. Some surfers I know have died or been treated for skin cancer, so it's a vocational hazard.  Added to this, I have a genetic weakness towards skin cancer. My great grandmother passed in midlife & her daughter, my grandmother, had several skin grafts on her nose to manage skin cancer.  Last month my younger brother Pete had a ...
Read more

the american dilemma

Image
Ever willing to criticise  The Pres with the Snake Eyes When he calls out "Fake News!". The media lead a people's chorus of boos.   The same singers when at home Before the neon god they lay prone Soaking up bullshit ads & sculpted boobs Glitzy endless crap on the tube.
Read more

mass political deception

Image
On the day a gunman nicked ex president Trump's ear the world politcians decried violence as evil, undemocratic & so on, more than 39 people were killed in Palestine. These events highlight mass hypocrisy across the world with regards violence & race.  No one in the media industry will ever mention this hypocrisy.
Read more