my firstborn has left (again)

Here's Mia early on her first day at work, 350k away. 

That photo was taken weeks ago. Since then she has returned home, to collect horses, while here she mentioned a cloud on her left lung which led to getting it checked out, which led to surgery. 

A little over a week ago she was strong enough to resume her intention to move back out west with her horses. As she was a little sore, and the horses can be a handful, I went along to help out. I stayed 10 days and we had a wonderful time hanging out together. We worked with the horses, mainly fencing, we went shopping, shared meals and talked a lot. For me it was like a holiday and I got stuck in and helped renovate the house andxtidy the lawn and gardens. Together with regular dog walks and my morning self care routine, I had a whale of a time. 

Now I'm home and feel flat, sad and depressed. Some of this will be a natural let down at resuming "normal transmission" after a great time out west. But I think I'm really feeling the separation emotionally right now. The first time Mia left, the horses remained and so it was not so final. But now, on the back of the emotional roller coaster of; her leaving, worrying test results, then surgery, living together again, a great week out west and now 'alone', I'm feeling battered. To be honest, I feel drained and need a recharge, but part of me wishes I was making a new start too. Coming home to the same old stuff and just now beating myself up over not being out sailing, is getting me down. But, I need to do nice things, get the house back in order, literally and figuratively. When that's done I can get on with some heavy lifting; repairing my truck, and the shed project. Then my sailing dream can be attacked. I need mostly to stop and repair, stop being impatient with myself, and trust that I will get there soon. I just need to turn these feelings upwards, but first, allow myself to feel the burn. After all, I've literally held Mia's hand daily for nearly 23 years, and loved nearly every second. She has in turn showed me what a great, caring and successful human can look like. So its natural to feel down in a hole right now. 

Take care out there, and in there.